I've finally stopped breastfeeding

After 140 weeks, I have finally stopped breastfeeding.It has been a long journey. Some days, I feel bitter and resentful.Most of the books say babies can't bite while they're drinking. But my baby uses her teeth to hold my boob in, and she likes to pull. It hurt a lot.I realized I had run out of milk last week, when I couldn't hear her swallow during her usual hobby feed. She usually still feeds when she comes back from school or before she goes to sleep, when she's bored. But lately, I've been stuffing her with real food and snacks that she doesn't feel the need to drink from me anymore.Other days, I feel sad. Like I'm saying goodbye to one of the things that strengthened our bond. I have had to face a very real point in time knowing my baby is growing up. Fast.

None of this is easy

As many of you know, Paolo and I struggled during our pregnancy. And then I struggled with milk production and stressed at the doctor's visits charting her growth.No matter how anxious I was, breastfeeding always helped me calm down. Maybe it was because I was looking down at two eyes that were built in my body. Or because she would put her little hands on my face.It would help calm her, too. When she'd be cranky or hungry or sleepy, boob would be the answer.Now that it's done I don't know what to do or how to feel. I'm grateful that she doesn't use it as a crutch to fall asleep anymore. But I also miss being able to hug her as she falls asleep on me.More importantly, now that I'm not producing milk anymore, I've had to renew my membership to the committee. Yes, the itty bitty etc etc. Get it?It's really weighed on my heart even though I joke about it. Breastfeeding is one of the first things that we did together, and the list of things will probably get shorter as she gets older. Or they'll be replaced with other activities. Maybe she'll like Pilates.Until then, I'll take it one day at a time.