How we “eased” into preschool
I just spent an entire month easing my baby into preschool. It was scary for both of us, and if I'm being completely honest I probably cried more than I should. I cried when I would dress her in the morning and when I'd drop her off.
My fear was that she would never trust me again because I left her in school.She was extra clingy to me the first week. She always wanted to be held, and I couldn't even leave her with her father. It was tiring for me both physically and mentally.
The First Week
We're lucky to have found a little school up the hill near our home. We started taking her in the beginning of October. The child psychologist in charge said I should be present the first week to ease her in. I stayed in her office until I thought the baby was okay, but my two-year-old would often walk in and refuse to go to her classroom anymore.I'd hear her screaming for me in the room, saying things like, "Go back to Mommy!" I didn't know what to do! But my husband insisted it would be good for both of us. He said I'd get time to myself if only for a few hours when she adjusts to school.The baby eats solid food, but she is still breastfed. So our connection is pretty strong. She comes to me when she's happy, playful, sad, frightened, worried, or tired. And I've never refused to comfort her. I feel that it makes her feel secure when she knows she is in a safe place. And that makes her more confident.On her birthday we counted how many words she spoke, and we got up to two hundred easy. Most of them mispronounced, but all appropriately used. She can express herself, and I was very proud of that.So back to the first week of school. They let me stay, but when she got too fussy and asked to leave they would bring her to me and say that was enough for the day. She'd still be crying in the classroom, and that's why it was hard. I could hear her from across the hall and it felt like my chest was being ripped in half. She could cling to me the whole way home. ?
The Second Week
This week was the toughest for both of us. The head of the school said I can drop her off, but I couldn't go into the school anymore. They were teaching her that it's time for school, where mommy and daddy don't go. She would scream and claw at me during drop-offs, and I cried by the school's steps too many times after. I once saw an elderly lady feeling sorry for me from her kitchen window across the school.Friends told me she'd get used to it. But at that time it seemed like forever. The crying was just too much. Let me paint you a picture:
It's 9:00 AM. I'm supposed to drop her off at 9:30.
I walk into her room and get the clothes I'd laid out for her the night before.
I'd sneak in the socks first, and when she wakes up it's all CRYING FROM THERE. Crying because I woke her up, crying because we're going to be apart, crying because she doesn't want to change her clothes or diaper.
Somehow I manage to pop her into the Ergobaby and go downstairs to take a cab. More protests in my ear while in the vehicle. "Mommy, no school. I don't wanna go to school! I don't want it!" This is my fault. Why'd I teach her so many words? ??
I ring the doorbell for the school, and her voice gets louder. Like I wasn't hearing her the whole way up here.
The door opens, the teacher says good morning and takes Allegra from my arms. She SCREAMS. It's a full-on meltdown now. They tell me pick-up is at 10:30 AM, I nod my head, and they close the door. I'm left to cry on the stoop.
I appreciate this school so much. They'd send me pictures and videos of her to ease my mind. In the next few days, they would extend pick-up to 11, 11:30, and finally, 12.
The Third Week
The thing that keeps me from pulling her out of school is that she is happy at pick-up time. She loves that she's playing and learning. That makes me feel less guilty about leaving her there against her wishes. We're both in a better mood at pick-up. She's super chatty about her day, too."Mommy, I painted today!"Mornings are still difficult, but her protests are more because she wants to sleep more. (Girl, don't we all!)I found a super-relatable Pixar movie to show her. Finding Nemo. Cause Nemo is super excited about school and Marlin just wants to shelter him. So now when we wake her up, we say, "Time for school!" the way Nemo says it.I'm finally able to actually DO things while she's away. I exercise, have breakfast, and talk to my husband. I have some projects that are slowly inching toward completion. It makes me feel great to be productive this way.
The Fourth Week
LORD have mercy we are finally here. This week she didn't complain about going to school. We woke her up today and even though she complained about being woken up, she was sleepily pointing to the clothes she wanted to wear.Out of the blue over the weekend she began counting. In Turkish. She held out a fist and said, "Bir, iki, uç..." as she unfolded each finger. And today, she saw a picture of her during sensory play time with some pasta and said, "makarna!" (Macaroni in Turkish). She learned words that we didn't teach her.She walked out the door today, looked back at her dad and said, "I'm going away. See you later!" My heart was glad but it was also in pieces. She's growing up so fast!We took a cab, and rang the doorbell at school. Her teacher opened the door and she said, "Hi!" And walked in. No one had to carry her inside.
Things I Learned
One of the things I learned early on was that babies love routines. It makes them happier because they know what to expect. The world is so full of stimulating things that it's reassuring to have something regular to look forward to. It injects order into an otherwise chaotic baby and mom life. (TRUST ME) Now she knows that when she goes to school, Dad goes to work, Mom goes to the gym. Everyone is doing something out of the house. Mom picks her up, she has a snack, a nap, and then an evening with both Mom and Dad.
It's nice to hear from other moms who have been there, who have told me that it gets better. I received so many beautiful messages of encouragement, and I am so grateful. God bless you guys with more sleep!
Photos by Daiga Ellaby, bady qb, and Jordan Whitt on Unsplash